


I could have missed the pain (But I'd have had to miss the dance)

by blackm00n5



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Afterlife, Eruri Week, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Slow Dancing, Waltzing, bittersweet i guess, but it's following them to the afterlife so, technical character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 02:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20463188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackm00n5/pseuds/blackm00n5
Summary: When Levi wakes up in the afterlife, Erwin asks him dance.Technically a sequel to We Danced And the World Fades Away, but absolutely can be read standalone. I like to think of the two fics as 'The first time they danced and the last time they danced'.





	I could have missed the pain (But I'd have had to miss the dance)

**Author's Note:**

> Eruri Week! Prompt: Afterlife I really love this one okay? Let me know if I missed a tag.

Levi knew he was dead before he opened his eyes.

It was an overwhelming clarity, a strange serenity that had washed over him. It felt oddly like waking up after a long, restful sleep. He could feel the warmth of an afternoon sun on his face, a warm breeze blowing around him. It felt like he was laying on grass, a stark contrast to the cold, rainy and harsh surrounding he remembered from just moments before. This felt peaceful. 

Even still, he was afraid of opening his eyes.

Afraid of what he might see, afraid that he’d open his eyes and the comfort he had right then would disappear. That somehow, he was imagining this, that he was still bleeding out in the arms of the cadets he’d come to love like his own children despite how they were adults, now. He wanted to be selfish, for a moment. He wanted to linger in this calm, almost lazy state of being for just a second or two longer. He was tired, so god damn tired, and he wanted to just pretend for a moment more that he was allowed to rest. 

“Levi.” 

Levi inhaled sharply, his eyes snapping wide open. He knew that voice. He had been dreaming of it, longing for it for years. At first, everything was fuzzy and too bright when he opened his eyes. Slowly, his vision cleared and he saw those perfect blue eyes gazing down at him. A warm smile on those beautiful lips. Levi’s chest tightened up, and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“Erwin.” His voice cracked harshly when he said it.

Erwin lifted his hand - his right hand, which was firmly attached to the arm he had, again. - and lovingly cupped Levi’s cheek. Levi immediately reached his own hand up to cover it, pressing it closer. Erwin’s palm was warm, his fingers still calloused and Levi felt his tears overflowing. He gaped at Erwin, staring intently at the face he’d been missing for years. He reached his free hand up towards him, and Erwin leaned down closer so Levi could touch his face. Trace his lips, the curve of his jaw. His cheek, his brow, his nose. Erwin just smiled softly at him, allowing him the time to touch him.

“I missed you.” It was all Levi could think to say, but it didn’t come close to matching what he felt. It was pathetic, almost hollow. Nowhere near sufficient to describe the bone deep ache he’d been feeling since Erwin had died. It didn’t tell him how much he hurt waking up every morning, for a brief moment forgetting Erwin wasn’t there with him. Erwin’s smile just grew.

“I missed you, too.” He answered, voice soft. Just a whisper. But it said everything. Told Levi he understood, just as he always had, and Levi let out a broken little sob as he rushed to sit up and throw himself into Erwin.

He essentially tackled Erwin, arms wrapped tightly around him and burying his face in Erwin’s neck. Strong arms immediately wrapped around his waist, holding him close, and he felt Erwin press his face into his hair. He inhaled slowly, feeling his body shake with another sob as he processed the familiar scent washing over him. He smelled the same, he felt the same. The soothing beat of his heart, the heat of his skin, the way they fit so perfectly against one another. Made to be wrapped around one another. Levi shamelessly sobbed into Erwin’s neck, holding on too tightly and Erwin let him. Just held him close, and it took Levi a moment to realize Erwin was crying, too.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Erwin murmured, after a long stretch of silence where they simply held one another. Levi swallowed thickly, finally pulling away enough to look at Erwin’s face. 

Levi cupped Erwin’s face, thumb brushing over his cheek. Eyes wide, in awe of this man in his arms and not quite believing this was real. He didn’t answer, just staring at him for a moment or two. Then, he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Once again, he felt that overwhelming relief wash over him and the tears started all over again. Erwin’s lips were still warm, still soft, still felt like something holy that should be worshipped. Made it easy to breath, like a pressure over his lungs had been lifted, and Levi felt years of agony wash away. 

“I missed you.” Levi repeated, voice cracking harshly as he said it. “Fuck, Erwin, I missed you so fucking much.” Levi took a shaky, uneven breath and leaned close again until his forehead was resting against Erwin’s jaw.

Fingers pet through Levi’s hair, careful and loving, just like he remembered. Like he would sometimes feel as he drifted off to sleep. Except this time Erwin was actually there, holding him. Touching him. It hit Levi, suddenly, that they had made it. They were in whatever Heaven existed. Together, they were finally together again and that made a fresh wave of tears crash over him. 

Erwin shifted a bit, moving until he could press his lips to Levi’s temple. Levi felt his lips tug into a smile even through his tears, and he tilted his head back to look at him again. Erwin smiled at him, soft and loving and Levi’s heart was pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it at the base of his skull. There was something oddly comforting about that. Erwin moved, then. Pushing up to his feet and dragging Levi up with him. Levi went willingly, bending - or more literally, standing - to his will just like he always had. One of Erwin’s hands landed on Levi’s waist, the other taking his hand. Levi responded in kind, a hand on Erwin’s shoulder and linking his other hand with Erwin’s. A position they’d found themselves in countless times before. Easy and familiar and Levi couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“Captain, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” Erwin asked, his soft smile breaking into a little grin, instead.

All of it was so much all at once and yet...Levi felt relaxed. He felt warm and calm and so happy it was hard to process anything. He returned the small grin, and nodded his head once.

“I’d love to.” He answered. 

Immediately, Erwin started leading him in a slow, lazy waltz. No music, just a quiet rustle from the light breeze. It didn’t take long before Levi went from resting a hand on Erwin’s shoulder to wrapping his arm around his neck. He leaned in close, resting his head on Erwin’s shoulder, pressing his face into his neck. His lips pressing right over Erwin’s pulse point, feeling the steady beat under his lips and it made Levi’s chest tighten up. 

“I wanted to thank you, Levi.” Erwin murmured after a moment, tilting his head enough that his lips were pressed to Levi’s head. “For allowing me to die. For letting me rest. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” 

Levi swallowed thickly, his jaw clenching briefly before he pressed a kiss to Erwin’s neck. He had spent countless hours justifying his own decision to himself. He knew giving that serum to Erwin would have been a selfish decision. It wouldn’t have been what Erwin would want, and Armin had so much to live for. It had been agony, of course it had. But Levi had always been rather adept at doing what needed to be done despite how much it hurt him. He took a shaky, uneven breath and tightened his hold on Erwin.

“I knew I needed to.” He said quietly. His voice was cracking as he said it. He let out a breath as Erwin tightened his hold, as well, and Levi felt the tension draining out of him. “You would never have stopped. Your dream would have been realized and you would have kept fighting. Destroying yourself until the titans were gone and the only way to let you rest was to let you die.”

They kept moving, kept waltzing in a slow, lazy rhythm. Less of a real waltz and more shifting in a slow circle together. Levi didn’t mind that, though. He was perfectly happy to just be there with Erwin, with the man he’d been missing for he didn’t even know how long anymore. Days had run together since Erwin died, and he slept even less than he had before. So really, he had no idea how long it had been. Too long, at the least. 

“And Armin had a life.” Erwin breathed out, holding Levi’s hand tightly as they danced, holding it close to them instead of a proper waltz position. “He wasn’t going to lose himself. Realizing his dream would only feed his ambition.” 

They fell into silence again for a moment. Erwin wasn’t telling Levi anything he didn’t know, simply agreeing with him. Assuring him that he wasn’t upset, letting him know it had been the right choice. Levi let the silence linger a moment, then another little sob broke from him and he pressed his face into Erwin’s neck.

“I wanted to choose you.” He said, sounding broken and small and very unlike the man Erwin knew. “Fuck, Erwin, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to bring you back I didn’t want to go back to that room alone.” 

Erwin released Levi’s hand so he could cup his face, instead. Pulling him up enough to kiss him again. He kissed him deep and slow, eager to try and ease his mind. He held him close, his own tears welling up and overflowing. Trying to tell him without speaking how thankful he was, how he wasn’t angry that Levi had had those thoughts, and apologizing to him for causing him such pain and being unable to do anything about it. 

He lingered there a moment, even after the kiss ended. His cheeks about as wet as Levi’s were. He had expected that, though. He had cried over Levi over and over since he’d arrived, here. And there was no shock that Levi - even with as unshakable and in control he was- would be overwhelmed with the onslaught of emotion and start crying, as well. Erwin had been told most people cried when they woke up, and he certainly could understand that. 

“I’m sorry, Levi.” Erwin breathed out, nudging their noses together gently. He felt Levi shake his head.

“It’s fine. We’re okay.” He responded softly. 

They were still absently moving in a small circle, not even pretending to make it seem like a real waltz, anymore. Their foreheads pressed together, no real form to their stances. But still, Erwin would argue it was the best dance they had ever shared. And they had danced together quite a bit. Ever since their first dance, Erwin had made it a point to dance with Levi at least once during every event they went to. And out on expeditions, in the middle of the wild, under the stars and more than once in the rain, they had slowly twirled around together. Erwin hummed, low in his throat, and a tiny smile twitched at his lips.

“Do you remember our first dance?” He asked after a moment. He heard Levi let out his own little hum. 

“Of course.” Levi answered, just as quiet. “Some bullshit party we had to go to. We danced, you flattered me a bit too much, then we had sex for the first time.” 

Erwin chuckled, pressing another sweet kiss to Levi’s lips. “I had seen you dancing with rich women for years. It was jarring to actually be the one dancing with you. You were always graceful and elegant and it blew me away.” 

“As you’ve told me.” Levi answered, vaguely amused. He was quiet for another moment, then let out a slow breath. “My mother taught me.”

“I know. She spent a fair amount of time criticizing my form.” Erwin chuckled. 

Levi tensed suddenly, as something heavy and obvious clicked into place in his mind. He was dead. Erwin was dead. And his mother was dead. So of course, of  _ course _ she would be here in this afterlife. He jerked back, eyes wide as he stared up at Erwin. His mother. His mother was here and he could see her again. Hear her voice, feel her brush a hand through his hair. Once again, he felt tears well up and overflow from his eyes and he was already getting sick of all the crying he was doing. Erwin just smiled softly at him, reaching a hand up to brush those tears away.

“They’re all here.” He said softly. “Your mother. Our friends. Furlan and Isabel.” He explained, and all that did was make Levi’s tears come stronger. 

“You met my mom.” He ended up choking out. Erwin chuckled, nodding.

“I did. She was there to greet me when I woke, with my father.” He explained. “She barely had to tell me her name before I knew who she was. You look so much like her.” 

Erwin could still remember it vividly. Waking up to a face he’d never seen but had been so achingly familiar to him. That dark hair making pale skin look even more pale, a pair of intense grey eyes that had cut through Erwin easy as a blade. A sharp wit and sharper tongue, an attitude that was both infuriating but somehow endearing. The realization had washed over him like warm water, comforting in a way he couldn’t quite describe, because who else could this woman be but the mother of the only other person he had ever met who could wield a crass attitude with the elegance of a god? He had breathed her name just as she introduced herself, and she hadn’t seemed shocked. 

“I haven’t heard that since I left the underground.” Levi said, voice cracking halfway through. He shook his head, letting out an almost incredulous laugh. “...And...Furlan and Isabel…” he started, but his voice caught in his throat and the words staunchly refused to come out. Erwin released Levi’s hand - feeling it land heavily on his chest and tighten up in his shirt - and he used it to cup Levi’s face instead.

“They missed you, too.” He insisted, voice soft. “And they never blamed you. They’ll tell you, themselves, when you see them.”

Levi clamped his eyes shut, and he leaned forward once more to bury his face in Erwin’s neck. He let out a small, shuddering sob as Erwin wrapped his arms completely around him. Holding him close, cradling him against his chest. They had stopped moving, their dance coming to an end somewhere during the conversation. Erwin was left standing there, simply holding Levi close against his chest as he allowed the man to break down. Levi had never really allowed himself to have these types of breakdowns, so when they did happen they hit hard. He was supporting much of Levi’s weight, holding him tight and pressing soft kisses over the side of Levi’s head. 

Once Levi’s tears had calmed down - less because of him feeling better and more because of him simply exhausting himself. - Erwin shifted to cup his face. He lifted Levi’s face, offering him a gentle smile. Levi’s cheeks and eyes were red and wet, eyes puffy and swollen from crying on and off ever since he had first woken up here. Erwin kept smiling softly at him, brushing a stray tear from Levi’s cheek. Levi looked open, a trust in his eyes that made Erwin’s chest ache because of how much he had missed it. Erwin leaned in close, again, brushing his lips over Levi’s and sighing as Levi pressed back. Tired but with intent. 

Then, Erwin took a step back and let his hands slide down along Levi’s arms until he was holding his hands. He squeezed gently, taking a step back to urge Levi forward. He shifted, releasing one of Levi’s hands so he could face forward as he continued leading him on. They made their way up a small hill, long grass rustling in that gentle breeze. As they got to the top of the hill, a cottage came into view. Down the other side of the hill, at the treeline of a forest. He saw people, people he  _ knew. _ Milling around, sitting and talking, laughing bright and eager. 

It was a woman who noticed them first. She had been pacing, looking vaguely on edge, and Levi understood why when she looked at them. Dark hair and bright eyes. She looked healthy, so much healthier than Levi could ever remember seeing her. Her features soft, her cheeks full. Long hair and that same white dress Levi could remember holding onto when he had nightmares. Levi felt his throat tighten up when a bright smile broke across her face and she took a step closer. 

Erwin released his hand as he started taking steps forward. Levi hadn’t actually made the conscious decision to move, but he was being pulled forward by something he didn’t have a name for. His feet fell in heavy steps as he made his way down that hill, and Kuchel stepped forward a few more steps to meet him as he made it to the base. He gaped at her, eyes wide and terrified of this disappearing. Of it being some cruel joke on him. 

Kuchel reached forward to cup his face in her hands, and tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled at him. Once again, a tear or two slipped down Levi’s cheeks and he lifted a hand to press his mother’s more firmly against his cheek. 

“You grew up.” Kuchel said, smiling wide before letting out a teary laugh. “You didn’t get much taller.”

Levi let out his own wet, incredulous laugh, and his head tilted into the gentle touch to his face. Kuchel pulled him close, and she leaned in to press her lips firmly to his forehead. Levi’s eyes slid shut and he let out a soft sigh. 

His eyes opened back up when Kuchel pulled away and a firm, warm hand - Erwin’s hand - landed at the nape of his neck. Erwin pressed a kiss to his temple.

“Welcome home, Levi.” 


End file.
